Lost her/his cool

17 05 2011

The first one was very early during our relationship- one night, she wanted clarifications and I did clarify.

The second big one was when we went out dancing.

The third one was last week, when we went to IKEA.

The fourth one was on Saturday, when we went out for the movie and I felt a bit disturbed.

The fifth one is today, when she is feeling very overwhelmed.

All this happened in the span of a month. Nothing that would change me or my love for her, since I did anticipate it. Now a few questions that pops in my mind are the following

1. I know her very well by now and I feel that she will keep whatever is there in her mind to herself and in the last minute will feel speak out. I feel that is because she lacks clarity.

2. Maybe this is what the role of a future husband is in helping support the wife, constantly.




28 09 2009

“Miracles start to happen when you give as much energy to your dreams as you do to your fears.”

Money, influence and position are as nothing compared with brains, principle, energy and perseverance. ” Orison Swett Marden,

My personality trait is such that I kindda … have a forceful character and I try to take things in my hands rather than surrender to Jesus . I need to surrender the plan/ vocation into the hands of god.

Paul !!!!

Again Confused

2 07 2009

Girl say’s she had the best time with a guy and she felt comfortable about it. Guy is not really sure, what to make out of it. His last experience with her hasn’t been the best. She is extremely wavering in her mind and doesn’t think steadily. She is awesome, a perfect fit as far as faith is concerned and personality wise too….

Yet, she is not giving him much hopes. He has surrendered to the Lord, and the Lord told him to wait patiently, after all it was the Lord who started everything.But, in the process the guy doesn’t want to be a scape goat,either.

He wants to help, but to what point. Does he want to give up everything. He feels the girl is too fussy!!! and he doesn’t want to put up with fussy people at all. His nature is chill out man and leave the rest to providence!

God , I Surrender everything ! Lord, I know what you have told me , be PATIENT !!!


18 06 2009

Hi ..

It’s been a while since I blogged. Our Men’s group has been going great by the grace of god. I have been lucky to find some amazing people. The fishing was the best experience I have ever had …in a long long time.

Patience is another thing that the lord has been teaching me. Teach me …Lord, thy love and  thy peace.

SO funny !

24 05 2009

Funny, I love the way life is turning out . It reminds me of the dubai days , when I used to be busy until 12 in the night.

I have been golfing, gymming, badminton, Adoration and mass. Finally, work . I am also thinking of an IT business as well as business in the IT security business. Am I having my hands full, Wait , it is not over yet. I am also doing Salsa and planning to go for swing dancing.

The Ottawa days

9 05 2009

Teh last few days that I spend in Ottawa has been a blessing from the Lord. I landed a job, the second day I reached this place. The time spend with Jim , Lawrence and Simon was good. The twenty minute drive from St Maurice to St Mary’s was amazing as well. I was approached by a lot of people enquiring if I was interested in being a priest and each time, I had to quietly inform them about my charism. The community of grace and what I stood for in life. The time spend with Jim and Lawrence was specially good and funny! Tonight, my vacation is finally over and I start work on Tuesday. I feel so different from any other vacation that I had before, there were no rich cousins like in europe when I visited them  I was able to witness the finest of the restaurants and hotels. I spend my entire three weeks with a group of religious people.

There is still a void inside of me that is …. not filled. This will be in due course. I think the ” Why Canada question has been answered when I  set for Canaan? It is so very clear that I was supposed to be here from the beginning. Where I would be based is another question. I would love to be based out of Ottawa, I may have to learn french… and I need to look at it religiously.”

life at the capucines les fraternities

1 05 2009


I was in Montreal over the weekend  ie 24 to 26 th and then headed to Quebec. It has been an intense week where I got to know myself more. My interaction with the friar`s will be documented here. I have a couple of people here in mind who have shaped my thinking over the week.

The first Fr Jacque Belangrie, a former head honcho of the capuchins based out of Rome and spending his retirement here in Quebec.

Second, Fr Jean  Jacque , a missionary who served in Chad for forty five years and has the heart of a lion.

Third, Fr Sebastian and fourth Fr Benny, who is also my friend.

I would like to pen down some of the stuff that the Lord has been speaking to me over the week, this might help other fellow catholics who are contemplating on what to do in their life.

I came here expecting something from Jesus. I have always been blessed by him whenever I have undertaken a special mission. The last such one happened two weeks back, when I found out more about the ` ecstacy smile`lady.

So here we go some of my thoughts inspired by Jesus and the people around me. I want to put them down before it is erased in memory forever.

I  am a Missionary, I know that . I may never have a religious life like a priest ,but my heart is proclaiming the gospel of Yesu.

1. What is life ? Life is worth lived when you live in love.

Fr belangerie reminds me of an experience when he was 12, he was sitting in front of the altar, he saw an image around him, where he saw himself in a lot of different countries.It reminded him of the providence of god and how the lord

The lord talked about- – – Not to do what I want to do, but believe in where he wants to lead you and leave it in the darkness of time.

Like sometimes there is a solo, eg: Pavarottis orchestra, the lady who sings the solo. To succeed is important, but it is not the most important thing or the core in ones life. Whether, its marriage or celibacy…A total surrender to Christ is the crux of the matter.

The important thing in life, is for people to recognise the love of god in your life. When they see the radiating smile in my face, they should see the jesus in you. To Love people, is my vocation. This is what separates me from the other`s . They should see the love of the lord in my life. It is not being a celibate or priest that is important. The most important thing is radiating htat joy or love. Then people will immediately recognise that it is from the Lord.

What is required to be a happy man?

Don`t include or exclude anything that is good. Just press ahead.  Why is it that for some people who read these …. find a connection, simply because the spirit that is speaking to me is the same spirit that is speaking to you.

Soemtimes, some people touch you more than the other`s .

What is Sin? Sin is something that is recycled.Like a recycled piece of paper.

The gift that I have recieved now is an identity that needs to be strengthened.

A few things of my life, I was a very protected child, yet abuses came in different forms even with all the protection that my parents offered me . This is what happens with any human being.

Build my own identity, this is what I  have been doing since the beginning. I am also trying to take possession of myself in my life, which is the reason I am in canada today. My happiness doesn`t depend on anything and it is to be myself and god wants me to by myself for the happiness of other people.

The essential difference in my being is the identity that I share in christ, which is unique. I will not sell my identity or the real me to anybody …either to the girl that I might love or to my parents whom I adore or anyone. I am I… Need to love unconditionally everybody.  Zech 2 : 5-9 .

Now the question – What would be the event or things that could spoil my dreams ?

Christ is the key in the success of any operation. Read the bible and the results must also be evident in my life. Christ is the friend who has the power in bringing or fishing the people for you.

In two years time, how can Paul be a desperate man?

The process would be if I wasn`t able to convert the ideology to readiness to accomplish. Please remember the disciples at emmaus … they expected something different.

Renounce the idology to …. look at the way I am working….Lacher frise – – – let it go !

Always try to discern what belongs to me as a human being. One should never seize to try to make good. Not succeed( divine ), but continue trying( Sanctity)!

My Intelligence would isolate things , while my love would put them together.One can never renounce life, you may out the frame away for a while.

My mission is to love everybody , my frame is in Canada, this is secondary.  Lord, let me know what you want me to do?

So, I conclude, in my life there are 800 steps and I am on the 238 th. My sanctity is here on the 238 th one. I would prefer to give my best shot here on the 238 th step. I am not thinking of the 239 th one or the 240 th.

It`s one day at a time. If the questions in your life revolves around – school, job, wife or celibacy- – – Don`t let any affect you. There might be worrying thoughts , which is normal for any human being. Don`t let them overtake you. Live eachday to the fullest, knowing that fullness come only from christ. It is only he , who can satisfy you full!

It is not a vineyard, that I so love to own or a a girl that  I so much desire for company. It is HIM and he will provide the right person and the right job in his time.. .


God Bless